Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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