I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
