well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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