I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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