There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
