Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize