You're earring is so big in my mouth
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
