"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
