Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
