Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
