at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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