hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
