Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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