When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
