Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
