the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
