used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
