she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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