Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
