im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
