I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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