It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think a kid would responsible me up
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
