well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
