i don't plan on having that self control this summer
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize