By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i need some magic done to my vagina
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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