Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
