vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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