Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
