I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
