Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
