You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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