This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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