Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
