mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
