this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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