We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
be right there i have to get my cape
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
