Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
