I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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