Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
This is not my ceiling
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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