Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
