OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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