Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize