im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
