Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
