And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
