after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
