names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize