Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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