Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
