Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
