We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
im on a boat
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