I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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