I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
