I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
