One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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