so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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