yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
