i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
