Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
