Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
