guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
