My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
