Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
