i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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