Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
